Ah yes, ABC, another vampire show is just what the world needs. With True Blood satisfying the “sexual deviant” audience, and The Vampire Diaries addressing the teen set, TV executives naturally assume (with their usual brilliance) that the Desperate Housewives demographic must be the only female audience left.
You can practically hear the brainstorming session that went on inside the bigwig offices over at the alphabet network.
“Hey, everybody’s doing vampires. We need something with vampires. That Stephanie-something chick has made them hot again with those books of hers.”
“Okay, vampires. Check. So who should we market it to?”
“Hm. Well, Thirtysomething was a good hit for us years ago, and Cougar Town is hot right now — how about something in between? But… wait for it… with vampires!”
“I smell ratings gold!”
And so now we have The Gates. It’s a soapydrama hourlong about “a gated community full of secrets” — only these secrets will bite your neck and suck your blood. Don’t you just love the utter lack of genuine creativity?
Anyhoo, if your “guilty pleasure” curiosity is piqued (and hey, I won’t judge you if it is — we all have to unwind somehow), here’s the first 17 minutes of the pilot episode. Just lower your expectations and you’ll be fine.